“He didn’t erase my future because of my past”. Don’t we serve an awesome God! I was listening to “Good & Bad” by JMoss and these words, as simply as they seem, struck me to my core. I can honestly say as a silly, happy–go-lucky, overly optimist person that I am, I never looked at things this way. Think of all the times you put yourself in places, social settings, activities, and situations that you know were against God’s will. But in spite of your rebellion and sin, God still blessed you.

Unbeknownst to many of you I’ve been going through a pretty tuff season. I’ve never gone thru anything quite like this, and just when it seems like things are at there worst, something else happens.  I actually started this blog to document my journey to victory. But instead, I’ve used it as a distraction or a mask to conceal what I’m going through. I am in no way attempted to live my life on the net… but I’m trying to use this as a creative outlet to let others know that they are not alone.

As of lately, there are lots of good things happening for many of my friends and family. Now while I am sincerely happy for them, I wonder when my time will come… when will this season be over?

It seems like the devil knows exactly when to push my button and present me with temptation.  He’s mastered the skill of using those closest to me to say or do something that magnifies my situation to exponential proportions. Sounds familiar? But there comes a time when enough is enough and you stop feeling sorry for yourself and get tired of going thru.  Well, I’m tired of the devil’s tricks and schemes! I’m tired of not feeling worthy and defeated. I’m tired of being frustrated, and feeling ashamed.

In spite of everything that I’ve been through, I’m grateful that God has kept me. I’m grateful for His love, His grace, His mercy and His favor. I know in my heart that this is not in my control and no matter how I try to change, fix, or mend my situation, there is a reason for this season of my life and it won’t be over until God says its over. If you know anything about me, you know that I have control issues and I’m moderately to severely stubborn, so this has been a HARD pill to swallow. Thank God that He knows me better than I know myself…Although my eyes aren’t open to what God is doing for me, I know that He is working it out for me.

To be honest, the reason why I feel like I’m not worthy of God’s goodness is because I’m not…but He loves me so much, He gave His only begotten Son for the redemption of my sins, and as a result, there is nothing I can do that can discard the love of Jesus.

“…neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”

~Romans 8:39

So instead of sulking in self-pity, failure, regret, and disappointment, I’m choosing to reflect on how God has shown me favor.  I will rejoice in the blessing and victories of my friends and families as if they are my own. I am going to start declaring, “I am …” like Donald Lawrence, sings in the “I am Factor”.

“Confess I AM to turn sickness to health,
Confess I AM to turn lack into wealth The heavens respond,
The universe obeys when you say I AM, I AM what you decree must come your way Confess I AM that I AM that I AM”

While I make my prophetic confessions, continue to pray for me and I will continue to pray for you because prayers of the righteous availith much! I am because God is!!!!  Let the church say Amen.

The “I Am” Factor lyrics and music video provided by SongLyrics.com